Once More, Look Inward
by kendokao
Summary: Compiled poems from back in the day. Mostly Gohan- and Goku-centric, with a showing by Goten and Piccolo here and there.
1. Some Things Never Change

Disclaimer: This collection of poems is a not-for-profit fan work based on Akira Toriyamas _Dragon Ball_ series. I claim no affiliation with Bird Studios, Toei or FUNimation.

A/N: For archival purposes, I've compiled my old DBZ poetry into one document. The poems are in chronological order according to their original publication on this site, which was for the most part throughout 2004. We'll start of with this one, dealing with pre-Cell-era kid Gohan and his feelings of letting everyone down.

**Some Things Never Change**

I try so hard

It's not enough

I always let them down

My father

My friends

They give so much

Everything

But when it comes down to it

I fail them

I depend on them so much

But they can't depend on me

They shouldn't, at least

But they do

And I let them down again

I'm sorry!

Father, I'm not like you

I wish I could be strong and brave

Piccolo, you trained me well

But when you called me to action

I froze

I let you down

How many people must suffer?

We have a chance, but at what cost?

It's never enough

I don't have what it takes

All my life I've tried

And I'll keep trying til the day I die

But until I get it right

How much pain must there be?

How many lives are lost?

Their sacrifice

Will always be there

And again

I've let them down

They give so much for me

And I give nothing in return

I try so hard

But I don't have the strength

I want to make you happy

I want to make you proud

But how can that be

If I let you down

I'm sorry

It wasn't enough

Father!

I'm not like you

I don't have what it takes

I'm just a kid

That doesn't change

When it comes down

To all or nothing

It's nothing every time

What is the price of victory?

Is the price too high?

How much must you sacrifice?

I'm sorry if it was in vain

I failed you

I let them down

I try and I try

Its never enough

I'm sorry

I'll take the blame

I swear someday

I'll make you proud

Someday I'll get it right


	2. The View Is Much Better from Here

A/N: Set shortly after Goku's death during the Cell Games, as he looks on at Gohan from the afterlife.

**The View is Much Better from Here**

Looking from above

I can see much better from here

And I realize what's been done

All that you've been through

I see it's not so easy

You make it seem like no big deal

But I can see much better from here

And I can see right through

Your childhood

Slipped through your fingers

Your innocence stripped away

Taken from me

Again and again

I'm sorry, my son, for it all

You were forced into adulthood

Long before your time

Sometimes having to face

What even I wasn't ready for

Son, you've seen so much

Pain, suffering, death

More than most see in a lifetime

It's easy to forget you're just a child

But even a boy without a childhood

Is still only a child

I'm sorry I couldn't see it then

But the view is much better from here

Every time I look at you

It hits me

Just how small you really are

Did we ask too much?

Did we go too far?

Was the burden too heavy to bear?

I remember the first time I held you

You were so tiny

So innocent, so pure

But your childhood was taken from you

When it had barely just begun

Your life was tainted

Forced to grow up way too fast

Long before your time

This was your burden

Your innocence, jaded

Your childhood, taken

Yet I realize

When all is said and done

You are still just a child

And it hits me

How small you still are

It's not so easy

You don't make a fuss

You act like its no big deal

But I can see much better from here

I can see right through

I see that shining inner strength

But I also see the hurt

The tears that come at night

The confusion, the uncertainty

The child

Your childhood slipped through your hands

Forced into adulthood

Your innocence stripped away

I'm sorry I couldn't see it before

Couldn't see the damage that's been done

But I can see it now

The view is much better from here


	3. Running

A/N: Cell-era Gohan.

**Running**

He keeps on running

But what is he running from?

He doesn't know

He looks behind

There's nothing there

Good.

He runs even faster

Not knowing where he's going

He doesn't even care

Just... away.

It doesn't matter anyway

It's not like they'll go looking

It's not that they don't care

It's just

They know he'll be all right

He always is

He's a good kid

He knows what he's doing

He's wise beyond his years

But why?

Because he was forced into adulthood

Way before his time

He doesn't want them to worry

They can't see the damage it's done

Because he has his fathers smile

To cover it all up

He doesn't want to hurt them

By showing them what they've done

He can deal with the pain

His pain, anyway

Just not the pain he sees

But they can't see his scars

So he's just fine for now

But still he keeps on running

Why?

He doesn't know

How much does it matter?

He doesn't really notice

He doesn't even care

Running blindly forward

The only way to go

He needs to get away

Anywhere

As long as its away

He can deal with his pain

The burden belonging to him alone

The childhood that slipped away

Lost so long ago

The innocence that was jaded

By battle and such things

The things he had to see

The scars they couldn't see

Because he hid them behind

His fathers smile

The suffering, the sacrifice

It never goes away

So he just keeps on running

Until there's nowhere left to run

Backed into a corner with no way out

Oh, wait, that's when his hidden power comes

And suddenly he can do anything

Bring a tyrant to his knees

And suddenly he sees

It's realization

Enlightenment

The memories catch up

He knows what he's running away from

Hes running away from himself

_"Damned if I'm running from this!"_

And then the blackness comes

He's left with nothing but himself

The memories of letting them down

Of depending on them too much

No more of these games

No more watching from the sides

_"And I won't watch this anymore!"_

There's nowhere left to run

But he's not running anymore

Not from himself.


	4. Unanswered Questions

A/N: Little Goten asks some innocent questions about his daddy.

**Unanswered Questions**

Why's my daddy gone?

Mommy says he's dead.

What does that mean?

What's it like?

Mommy says it's like sleeping

But you never wake up again.

Oh. Okay.

That doesn't sound too bad.

What's my daddy like?

I heard he saved the world a lot.

Like an angel, Gohan says.

What's an angel like?

You feel happy inside when they're around.

Oh. Okay.

How did Daddy get dead?

I heard he made a sacrifice.

What's a sacrifice?

Is that why Daddy's gone?

Will I ever get to meet him?

Did he really look like me?

Was he nice?

Was he fun?

Is he ever coming back?

Why's my daddy gone?


	5. Innocent Dreams

A/N: I was listening to the song "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls when I wrote this. I love that song! Anyway, it might sound like Gohan's kinda bitter toward Goten at the beginning of this, but he's not. At least, that's not what I meant. Gohan's just doing some reflecting, thats all.

**Innocent Dreams**

A bitter shadow of a smile

The Son smile

Crosses his face

He watches the little boy

Running, playing, laughing

Without a care

Innocent and pure

Childhood intact

Having never seen the horrors of battle

Never fighting to survive

And he is reminded

Of all that could have been

The illusions of childhood shattered

The innocence stripped away

He has seen despair

Looked fear right in the eye

His childhood

One big battle

And scars that never fade

Growing up before his time

He has seen much more

Pain, suffering, death

Than most will ever see

Fight after fight

Time after time

A burden no child should bear

Yet he did

But at what cost?

Childhood broken and tossed aside

No more innocent dreams

What's left to believe?

He watches the little boy

All happiness and hope

And he wonders where it went

All those years ago

When he grew up before his time

And now he's left here

With memories

And jaded innocence

Wondering what's there to believe

For one with no more innocent dreams

'Cause those were stolen away

So very long ago

He watches the little boy

Who runs his way with a smile

And he returns that smile

No longer a bitter shadow

This time its the real thing

The Son smile

Just like the little boy's

And he takes the child's hand

And he sees

What's left to believe

It's here in this little boy

'Cause he's still around to share

All his innocent dreams


	6. Blind

A/N: Another one about Goku reflecting on all that Gohan's been through, except this time it's later on, around the time of the Buu saga.

**Blind**

Looking at you now

I can see how much you've grown

The little boy I remember

Has now become a man

Looking back I see

How hard it must have been

You grew up too fast as it was

Yet you had to grow up again

To raise your little brother

The one I never knew

I'm sorry I wasn't there

Now the damage has been done

I looked at the world with eyes wide open

But I couldn't see a thing

You grew up long before your time

Your childhood innocence shattered

By all the things you'd seen

All that death and all that pain

All those battles that you fought

Really took their toll

You acted like everything was okay

Like it was no big deal

And I was too blind to see it

Too blind to see the truth

All those years you tried so hard

Never backing down

Always willing to keep going on

That's just the way you are

And when the final battle came

You were scared

You didn't think you could do it

But you fought anyway

Was the price too high?

All the damage that was done

Was the burden far too much?

I'm sorry I was so blind

I left my eyes wide open

But I couldn't see a thing

And you're the one

Who's had to live with the results

The tears you never cry

The pain you feel inside

I'm sorry

Looking at you now

I'm so proud of the man you've become

But at the same time

It hurts

Because I know what you went through to get here

You grew up before your time

And when the final battle came

It really took its toll

You took it all in stride

Put on that brave face

So you wouldn't hurt your friends

And then you had to grow up again

Raising your little brother

The one I never knew

My son, I'm sorry I missed so much

I'm sorry I was so blind

I looked at the world with eyes wide open

But I couldn't see a thing


	7. Demon Heart

A/N: Piccolo POV, for a change.

****

Demon Heart

Standing here

In this place

It's so damn empty and bleak

Leaving time for the memories to catch up

Changes aren't always big

But sometimes they rock the world

Even if no one sees

Or maybe they do see

Even when it's on the inside.

A world of many evils

Leaves little room for a pure heart

Even a child may be left tainted

But not him

What a surprise to find

That a child could reach

The incorruptible demon king

And make him change for keeps.

We all have our demons to face

I was fine leaving mine as they were

But no

An innocent little kid

Changed it all

And he could never know

Just how much he did

In this world of many evils

One demon heart was changed

Softened

No longer thirsting for blood

Or world domination

Time makes all changes complete

As time has done for me.

Standing here in this place

Alone with time to think

Let the memories catch up

It doesn't seem so long ago

This demon heart was changed

The Daimao of old, no more

Changes change so much

One thing leads to another

Until you end up... here

The place where it all comes together

The place where it all comes back

It seems so bleak and empty

Until the memories fill the void

Reminders of that time

When a demon heart was changed.

Who ever thought

A little child could do so much

Changes don't always seem big

But they can rock the world

Even if they can't be seen

Or can they?

Even when theyre on the inside

Of a once cold demon heart.

Standing here in this place

This place where it all comes together

This place where it all comes back

Alone here with my thoughts

While the memories catch up

To this once cold demon heart.


	8. Purple Blood

A/N: Piccolo's death in the Mirai timeline.

****

Purple Blood

Minutes that seem like hours

Slowly ticking by

The last ones of his life.

Flying over the blood-stained streets

Cape snapping in the wind

He tosses it aside

As to lighten his load

He turns to face these

Demons

With ice blue eyes

Colder than anything in existence

Purple blood oozes

From various wounds on his body

And a relentless attack begins

He punches

Kicks

Anything that comes to mind

But they block

So coolly

Methodically

It sends chills down his spine

He fires a blast of ki

It's of no use

A blow to the gut

Purple blood

Spills from his mouth

The dark-haired

Killing machine

Rips off his arm

And a shower of purple blood

Sprays from the stump

The blonde

The dangerous beauty

Kicks him down

He hits the rubble hard

With an agonizing scream

That a little boy hears

From afar

These minutes that seem like hours

Tick away

And the life left within him

Slowly ticks away, too

"Have fun in hell!"

The darker-haired demon calls

As he turns and walks away

More purple blood

Spills onto the street

As he rolls over

Coughing

A little boy runs his way

Teary-eyed

And grabs his hand

Squeezing it tightly

"Don't die," the child whispers

He smiles weakly

Feeling his life

Tick away

These minutes seem like hours

These last moments of his life

He lies there

Bleeding and broken

His purple blood

Staining the street

He squeezes the boys hand

Once more

And closes his eyes one last time

A small smile on his face

His life

It fades away

As he lies there on the street

In a pool of purple blood.


	9. Hey, Little Buddy

A/N: Short and sweet. I love Goku's goodbye to Goten. It's just one of those moments that makes you go "aww."

****

Hey, Little Buddy

Hey, little buddy

I'm sorry I have to go

But let's play again sometime, ok?

I'm glad I got to see you

Glad I got to hang around

You're an awesome little guy, you know that?

I'm very impressed

Hey, little buddy

It's ok to cry

No need to be ashamed

Of wanting a hug from your daddy

I'ts not easy to say goodbye

Even for the grown-ups

Hey, little buddy

I'm proud of you

Just thought I'd let you know

You're quite a little guy

Very brave and strong

And handsome, too!

Now, I need you to be strong

Just like you've been doing

That's my little guy!

Hey, little buddy

I know that this is tough

But you're going to be just fine

Just keep doing what you're doing

I need you to hang in there

And it'll be all right

Hey, little buddy

I'm sorry my time is up

I wish that I had more

But I've got to go

We'll play again sometime

I promise

I'm looking forward to it

But until then

Goodbye.


	10. Bigger

A/N: Cell-era Gohan once again.

**Bigger**

Idiocy

Stupidity

What the hell was I thinking?

No

I wasn't thinking

Arrogance

Insolence

I've never been like that before

Let the power go to my head

How could I let it go to my head?

That just isn't me

Power

All that power

A blessing and a curse

How ironic

Hidden all inside

A little boy who didn't want to fight

And for the first time in my life

I let it go to my head

The time when it mattered the most

And I let it all go to my head

That was my fatal flaw

The worst mistake of my life

_When will you ever learn?_

I am not invincible

_When will you ever see?_

This thing is much bigger than I am

I had a chance to end it

A chance to make things right

But arrogance

Insolence

Took over

I said I wanted to let him

Suffer for a while

When have I ever been so

Bloodthirsty?

Enjoying this torment?

How could that be me?

I didn't listen

Didn't think

Just let it all go to my head

_When will you ever learn?_

I am not invincible

_When will you ever see?_

This thing is bigger than I am

And now they must pay the price

The price for my mistake

What the hell was I thinking?

I obviously wasn't thinking

And look at what I've done

Idiocy

Stupidity

The world will pay the price

How did I let it go this far?

Arrogance

Insolence

I barely recognize myself

Cause that just isn't me

But it happened

I let it all go to my head

How could I let it go to my head?

This thing is bigger than me

Bigger than us all

I had my chance

And let it slip away

Just looking back, it scares me

When have I ever been so

Bloodthirsty?

Wanting to draw it out

So I could watch him suffer?

I let it go too far

And somehow we've ended up

Here

On the edge of the world

The brink of destruction

The end

Because of my mistake

My arrogance

Insolence

That led us to this place

_When will you ever learn?_

I am not invincible

_When will you ever see?_

This thing is much bigger than I am

_When will you ever learn?_

Don't worry, I learned my lesson, all right

Too bad I learned it too late.


	11. And the Gates of Hell Hath Opened

A/N: Mirai-timeline Gohan, shortly after the androids' arrival.

**And the Gates of Hell Hath Opened**

Sunset

The sky has been painted

The color of blood

The bodies are piling up

One by one

On the streets

This scene is a nightmare

But so much more sickening

It's so evil, so twisted

And I can't keep listening

To the screams

The warriors have fallen

The heroes are silenced

The pain is just maddening

No end to this violence

Dammit

I hate myself for being weak

And I hate them for what they've done

Those monsters keep taking innocent lives

And now my friends are gone

Alone

I'm left here standing by myself

Staring down this bloodstained street

The androids are gone, they've had their fun

But I know before long we shall meet

Again

This isn't right

And next time push will turn to shove

It's what those monsters deserve

For what they've done to everything that I love

Bastards

Look at what you've done!

My eyes shine green, my hair burns gold

This world has become a living hell

'cause of those androids with hearts ice-cold

Darkness

As far as the eye can see

A world plunged into fear

Live each day like it's your last

'cause the end may be drawing near

No

There's got to be something I can do

I have to keep getting stronger

World, please just keep hanging in there

Hang on for a little longer

Heroes

And now I'm the only one

But I'm just a hero's little kid son

Who's trying to save everyone

As I painfully watch this world become

Hell


End file.
